i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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