Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I feel great
I just peed on a car
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
