Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
