There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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