im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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