I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
