Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
