you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
