why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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