Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
