Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
