Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
