you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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