Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
