awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
