So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You did what with his pubic hair?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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