I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
