We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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