I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
