if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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