Say something about gay babies.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
