Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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