It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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