well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
two words...techno handjob
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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