I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
