try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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