So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
