all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
