dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
