How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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