I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
