oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
