It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
