i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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