oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
