put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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