if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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