i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
