I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
