If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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