My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
there is puke in my bra ... again
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
