Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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