once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
