i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Rumble strips road head = magical
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
