I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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