The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
