Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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