and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
