I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
