My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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