I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
