The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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