"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
