Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
