you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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