did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
